Tonight, I took a test and saw that I have reached my high fertility window. Seeing as the clinic closed about four hours ago, now I have to wait until tomorrow to schedule my insemination and pray that they have an opening for me before noon. I think my body and mind have reached this sort of nervous black out. I’m not sure what to do with myself, and I’m not sure why. My mind is racing: I shouldn’t have told Baylee to switch Thursday shifts with me seeing as now I’m trying to get an appointment for Wednesday. I wonder if Jack would cover my shift tomorrow if I can’t get an appointment in the morning? I should try and ride with my legs up on the way home (even though there’s no evidence proving this works). I wonder if standing and working the rest of the day will affect my chances? Could I sit on the job? Would that help? How long have I been pulling my hair?
I have peed on three OPKs today: Once when I first woke up (low fertility). Once at mid day (low fertility). And once this evening (HIGH fertility). Tomorrow is my very first insemination, hopefully. Of course I am thinking of all that could go wrong: traffic to Seattle is horrible, what if I’m late and don’t make my appointment? Maybe I should have confirmed one more time that my sperm is indeed ready for me? I wish I had called before go time and done a quick Q & A with someone. Basically, I’m doing all the worrying that I told myself not to do.
But then I stop to think of something Dayna said to me tonight at dinner: Tonight could be my last night of not being a mom. And with that, worry is replaced with excitement. Fear is replaced with elation. Doubt is replaced with joy. I am going to bed thinking happy thoughts of a healthy baby. My body is electric. I was born for this